39 BEST UNTOLD AUSTRALIAN JOKES
There’s a bunch of Australian jokes that have been told more times than a kiwi’s shagged a sheep, like, “Australians don’t have sex, Australians mate!” But instead of sharing those old Australian jokes, we’ve put together a list of 39 brand-new, never-told-before Australian jokes.
Read through our list of hilarious Aussie jokes and discover:
Why are murders so hard to solve in Tasmania?
How many aussies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What are the only two seasons that a bogan can name?
Q: Why are murders in Tasmania so hard to solve?
A: Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
Q: If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
Q: How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
Q: What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?
A: The referee.
Q: What do you call a farting Aussie?
A: Ned Smelly
Q: What’s the difference between Cinderella and Melbourne FC?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball
An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The kiwi answered, “Australia”.
Ready for more Aussie jokes?
Don’t worry, there’s plenty more hilarious Australian jokes on this list. Btw, if you have discovered that you or someone you know is bogan, you’re going to love our collection of bogan gifts. From the latest funny Australian jokes to bogan board games that will test just how truly bogan you and your mates are, check them out.
Now, here’s some more hilarious new Aussie jokes.
Q: What do you call an Aussie with 100 girlfriends?
A: A farmer
You know when you’re in Australia when you’re surprised the train arrives on time!
Q: Why is Australia such a dry country?
A: We don’t have a king or queen to reign on it.
Two Aussies are drinking together. One says, “When I die, will you promise to pour a beer on my grave?”
The other replies, “No worries mate, but I’ll have to pass it through my kidneys first.”
Q: Why did Tasmanians evolve to grow two heads?
A: So they can have an intelligent conversation when they visit the mainland!
Q: Where can someone visit for 2 hours in Melbourne.
A: St Kilda via Punt Road.
Q: Want to hear a joke about the construction industry in Australia?
A: Too bad, they’re still working on it!
Q: How do you know when you’re a hipster bogan?
A: When your coffee machine costs more than your washing machine.
Here’s something you didn’t know…
Your taxi driver was a surgeon before arriving in Australia.
Two politicians go out to lunch together. In the middle of lunch one of them jumps up and says, “Bugger. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.”Q: How do you know when you’re a hipster bogan?
The other politician replies “No worries. We’re both here.”
Australian Jokes About Bogans
Alright, time to poke some fun at our bogan mates. Here’s some of our favourite jokes about Aussie bogans!
Q: What’s the difference between Helen Keller and a bogan?
A: She got famous for not being able to read!
Q: What’s the last thing a bogan says before dying?
A: “Hey mate, check this out!!”
Q: What do bogans call duct tape?
Q: What are the only two seasons a bogan can name?
A: Football and Cricket.
Q: What is 10 metres long and has 37 teeth?
A: A bus full of bogans!